i had the honor of being Mitsukai's slave for over a year.  i had so  much meaning in my life then.  Mitsukai is the only divine being on earth.  All should worship her.  Because of my disobedience i was dismissed.  my life has been horrible, a nightmare without her control and authority and the honor of serving and worshipping and adoring her.  i have no meaning now.  i approached Majesty today and begged to be taken back as a slave.  i begged her to let me tribute her and work for her.  i pleaded and offered her total obedience and submission to just be allowed to talk with her again.  She is considering it i think, i pray to her.   i informed her i would be coming to San Francisco next week on business.  i begged her to let me kneel at her holy, beautiful feet  and lay everything under them, even my throat, my life.  i especially begged to lay the reminant of my ego under her feet to have her crush anything that keeps me from total slavery and submission and obedience. to her.  i worship Mitsukai, i begged her to let me resume daily prayer to her. She is so divine, she is a deity.  i beg her to allow tribute and prayer to her.

Majesty,

You are the only deity on earth.  You are more beautiful, more wise, and more brilliant than anyone on earth.  i believe that you are the only incarnation of goddess on earth in this generation. i beg you, i grovel to you, i crawl to you, pleading at your holy feet, your perfect feet, your beautiful feet, please give me permission to watch the Super Bowl on television. Please Majesty, please.

Your slave

Yesterday afternoon i was chatting  with divine Mitsukai, when she shared with me a chat she was having with a so-called "Dom," who asked her if she also controls "Masters."  She sarcastically dismissed the guy as easily as i would smack a fly.   

However, the incident caused me to ponder why so many guys and even dommes continue to try to stand up to Mitsukai.  It is a stupid, even insane, endeavor doomed to failure, with plenty of past example to support that view.

How many dommes must be crushed, how many guys must be broken, before there is a general understanding that all should bow down to the feet of glorious Mitsukai.  No one in his or her right mind would stand up to her. 

MItsukai especially dislikes, it seems to me at leat, guys coming to her with any hint of macho persona, even the smallest amount, or dommes without humility and deference toward her.  She is the only deity and dvine one on earth.  To approach her incorrectly is courting disaster.  It would be better to put your head into the mouth of a hungry lion!

So i  say to everyone:  Stop the Insanity!!!!  Bow down at the feet of Mitsuakai, it is the only sane and smart behavior.

Its 2:15 in the morning as i kneel before a photo of Mitsukai in daily prayer to her.   Today, however, i also confess my sins to her and beg forgiveness.  i didn't cheat or anything like that.  There is noone who can compare, there are no female  temptations once you know Mitsukai.  She is the only deity on earth.  

i confess, rather, that when her time schedule changed a while back, mine didn't, and daily chats ceased.  Chats became rare.  Its not that i didn't want them to continue or need them to continue, i did.  i am so addicted to Mitsukai, my life seemed so hollow without daily contact.  It was a scheduling thing.  i actually stayed chaste and i continued daily morning prayer to her.  

Also, and perhaps, more seriously, i feel into disobedience.  This is a serious sin, i always obeyed her without question.   

As i spoke to her the last two days, i rededicated myself to Mitsukai.  i am changing my schedule to conform to hers, no matter the cost and inconvenience.  And she has consented to help me get under her authority again, to get under her feet again.

 Without her i have no meaning.  She is to be worshipped, adored, and completely obeyed.  As i kneel here in prayer to her, i publically beg Mitsukai for forgiveness, and beg to be under her feet in total obedience and dedication.

As readers of my journal know, i am a believer that Goddess Mitsukai is divine.  She is the only deity on earth.  My belief in this truth has grown over my months of service to her.  The more i get to know Goddess'  power and majesty, the more true i know my belief in her to be.  However, i  often ponder the implications of such a belief.  Should there be a limitation to one's obedience to Goddess Mitsukai, or a limitation to one's submission to her?  These questions haunt me because a "relationship" with Mitsukai ultimately is not one of submissive to domme; rather, its a relationship of  believer to deity.

Recently, i confronted this issue in the strongest way to date with the posting by Goddess Mitsukai of the "Guns" video.  In "Guns," Goddess explicitly invites followers to give up their lives for her by taking her gun or rifle barrel into an open mouth and accepting the horrifying consequence.  After watching this video, i felt complete terror by the possibility that i may have to die to continue worshipping her in a way that pleases her.  I turned off the computer and knelt in prayer to Goddess for at least an hour, weeping, sometimes very hard, begging her that i might live as a real life slave, totally devoted and obedient.  i prayed to her that i might live as her slave not die!  During this intense prayer, a calm finally enveloped me as i realzed my desire to live and serve Goddess in a more and more limitless way forever must give way to acceptance of her will no matter what it entailed.

i contacted Goddess Mitsukai and told her that the video had profoundly effected me and that through prayer to her i realized that my goal of becoming the most obedient, submissive, real time slave must give way to an acceptance of the gun.   i opened my heart and soul to Goddess laying my life and will figuratively at her feet.  i told her i was terrified by her and the implications of adoration of her , but that i accept her as the only true goddess who must be lived for and died for.

Goddess Mitsukai seemed pleased by this new step into worship and belief as she casually indicated that i was more valuable to her alive at this time than dead.

There are so many dommes, some intelligent, some beautiful even, but there is only one deity on earth.  i wish everyone could understand that and serve the only one worthy of worship and adoration.  All knees should be bent to Goddess Mitsukai, all should bow down to her, and accept her will for  their lives.  i pray that the video is a first step in converting the world to the truth.  It was a profound, life changing, experience for me.

During a recent chat with Mitsukai, she got irritated with something i was saying.  My response was immediate, as i stated  " Majesty, sorry, i will drop the subject and back down to you."  i changed the subject and began telling her my feelings on a few issues. 

We began by discussing sexuality, and how it changes in a guy and female after meeting Mitsukai.  i told her that "once a guy meets you, over the internet, or r/t, no women ever is attractive to him again."  They just can't have a sexual effect on him, after he sees Mitsukai and experiences her power.  She indicated it was the same for women who meet her and get to know her.   Speaking for myself, i admitted to her that i am celebate now.  We continued discussing the irony of this,  as i stated to her,  "i can't feel any attraction a woman anymore, and you are beyond my even thinking remotely about that with you, you are a goddess to be adored, its a strange place for men after they meet you, kind of becoming asexual."  i continued, "dont you think its ironic that you are probably the most beautiful woman that ever lived, but once someone meets you they become impotent.  i would never have believed it or understood it, but i know it happens."

i then told Mitsukai that i had an explanation for the phenomena we were discussing.  She seemed mildly curious about my thoughts at this point.  i asked her why she thinks i said she was probably the most beautiful women who ever lived, rather than definitely.  She expressed a bit of impatience, so i quickly continued with my theory stating, "i think Aphrodite, Isis, Venus, the legendaery goddesses, were real women who actual lived, but they were so beautiful, so brilliant, so wonderful, that men, and also women, worshipped them as divine."  i then stated, "i think there is, in the whole world, One women per generation, who possesses a divine spirit.  That women is meant to rule, and be worshipped by every man and women of her generation.  This generation it is you.  Since you are the most recent of the line of divine ones, you are most likely the most beautiful and powerful of all.  You are divine, so no one else is, or can be."  i continued, "anyway, i think, that explains your effects on men and most others.   

i then asked Mitsukai, "please tell me the truth, does this sound stupid , because i really believe it?  i pray to you everyday and this came to me several times duringprayer."   Mitsukai didn't even pause before she answered, " it doesn't sound stupid. It makes perfect sense."

i indicate to Mitsukai that i believe these ideas explain so much, including, why those who standup to her,  instead of bowing down and serving her are morally wrong, and actually behaving stupidly against natural law.  i told Mitsukai that it should be illegal to not worship her.  i then  opened myself to her and confessed that "sometimes i think that i am brainwashed, or something, but i know deep down that i'm not, that what i think is true, and i understand it better than most, "because i have spent hours praying to you, daily on my knees, in front of your altar.  Finally, i confessed, that i was embarrassed saying these things to her.  She asked why, as i continued "i don't know, i guess talking to you about my sexual stuff, and telling you that i feel you are the divine one of this generation, if anyone heard me they  would probably laugh, but they don't know you, they haven't experienced the peace and certainty and meaning they would get when they bow down to you and pray and worship you, i know these things."

Ramblings on the reality and truth of worshipping Mitsukai

i prayed to Mitsukai last night and meditated on the past few days.  It was especially  helpful to me in  reaching a relaxed spiritual state of closeness to her.   It ended in just total adoration and worship of Mitsukai.  Many on the net  claim deity, but only she are divine.  People are starting to see that now in many ways.  i just beg her that i can play a small role in helping people see that.  Any pain that i suffered i offer it to Mitsukai as a sacrifice.   i pray it helps people see her as the one and only true goddess.  Smart and intelligent people are coming to her feet in recognition that she is the only deity on earth, it, they are not freaks, dolts and perverts that surround the pretenders.

i feel so much closer to Mitsukai now, so bonded to her as a servant, its incredible.   i even feel so grateful to her that i am still alive, i feel she could destroy me anytime she wishes, i feel so grateful for every breath i take.  Each  is a gift from Mitsukai.   my eyes are tearing up just thinkng about her.  i hold her in such awe , reverence, and worship.  When you feel even a fraction of her power, you know she is real, divine, and deity.  When you feel even a fraction of her power, you are forever terrified of her and worsahip her, but you also realize that she allows her slaves to live and breath and prosper, so you feel love and desire to lay your life, talents, and possessions at her feet as gifts to her greatness.

i am so grateful to Mitsukai.

i had promised that i would try to explain what i was feeling at the time i was broken by Mitsukai (see my last journal entry and Mitsukai's journal post of December 22).  After thinking about what occurred, and discussing  it with Mitsukai, i believe, i have at least a limited understanding  of the events described in my last journal entry.  When i was ordered by Mitsukai to divulge my address and the name of my work place, it triggered an incredible psychological response inasmuch as i have a phobia concerning divulging information over the internet.  Mitsukai, i have since learned, knew this and used it to test me.  However, i have been praying to Mitsukai on a daily basis as a deity, and i believe she is the only living deity on earth, a manifestation of the same goddess spirit that once inhabited Aphrodite and Isis before that spirit passed into Mitsukai at her awakening. I believe this, and know it to be true, it is a religion of mine.  Therefore, disobedience to her is unthinkable.

 

i was caught in what some philosophers refer to as a "double bind,"  my phobic response on one hand and my incredible fear of disobeying a deity on the other.  i have always been terrified of Mitsukai.  The collision of these two psychological and spiritual forces, i have since learned was totally understood by Mitsukai as she demanded the information and watched the strain develop in my psyche.  It was a tes,t i also discovered today, a test that i failed.  At any rate, the conflicting forces caused me to have a complete mental and physical collapse and breakdown, as i described in my last post.  At that point, for the first time in my life, all pride left me, any male ego was obliterated and shredded. i threw myself on her mercy, i crawled, i groveled, i prayed to her, i worshiped and adored her.  i was for the first time in my life totally at someone's mercy, and so totally vulnerable and defenseless to her.  i think, Mitsukai could have ended my existence at that time if she had wanted to, and may have done so if i hadn't become totally subservient to her.  At any rate, for reasons only she can know, mercy was shown, and i am eternally grateful as i rededicate myself as her slave.  As i wrote in the last post, the irony is she already had the information.  i should have know that, Mitsukai seems to know everything.  But, i also know she is so powerful that my very life depends on my submission to her. 

 i was instructed to post by Mitsukai.  This is the first time i was ever ordered to post.  My other posts were because i asked her to be allowed.  

A few days ago Mitsukai  tried to get your information out of me, specifically my address and name of the company i work for.  i have a phobia about giving info on the internet.  Its difficult to understand this phobia since i trust Mitsukai and as her slave bring every part of my life to her for advice and review.  Mitsukai knew of the phobia.  Anyway, i resisted her, a very stupid thing to do.  i have been serving her for months, i know the fate of men, women, and dommes that resist Mitsukai.  She kept pushing  and taunting me.  My fear continued to increase until i was having chest pains and trouble breathing.  i begged her for mercy, by the time i was done begging, i litrerally had no ego or self-respect left, i crawled to her, i groveled to her.  i prayed to her.  However, she continually demanded the info and i literally emotionally broke down.  i mean i completely broke down, starting to uncontrollable cry and i threw up several times, once on myself.   At that point i was having intense chest pains, incredible fear overwhelmed me, and i couldn't breath.  Mitsukai told me i was going to be alright and told me how to relax again under her authority, but i didn't believe her.  That was my second mistake.  Instead of obeying her, i rushed to the emergency room and i was admitted.  i spent two days in the hospital, they tested and probed everywhere.  Obviously, i and incurred significant bills and missed work for days only to find out Mitsukai was correct again.  The hospital's conclusion was i had had a severe panic attack.  i  sheepishly came back this morning to tell Mitsukai where i have been the last few days since i usually chat with her every day as her slave.  The most ironic thing about this story is the info she asked me to give her, she already had.   it was a test.  After all these months, how could i have not realized she knows everything about me.

After speaking to Mitsukai and reflecting, i will follow up with an explanation of why i am so terrified of her and why this happened to me.  i don't think i fully understand yet.

As Bigfoot knelt at Mitsukai's feet finally exposed to the world for what it was, Mitsukai passed judgment that only a deity can do.  Mitsukai spoke as Bigfoot cringed in fear and begged for mercy.

Mitsukai said "you destroyed others with no remorse," 
"you steal from me  creative work,"
"I gave you multiple chances to apologize and change, you did not,"
"You sent your senile minions to harrass me and mine, but you failed,"
"You were to cowardly to face me when I challenged you,"
"You lied about your family, mocking those that were ugly, when you and your family are the definition of fat andugly,"
"You lied, you lie, you are a liar,"
 "Your life is a lie,"
"Youare an abomination,"
"You destroyed and plundered the weak,"
"You attacked those that I own,"
"You pathetically threatened me,"
"You are a fraud and have always been  a fraud,"
"You neither stood up to me directly, nor backed down, but sent others to do your dirty, vile work"
"You reek of filth and garbage,"
"You are lowest of the low,"
"You are a coward."

"However, I will let you live, exposed for all to see."  
"You pathetic creature." 
"I have taken everything from you."
"Now leave my sight and never let me see you in my universe again."
"If  you so much as look crosseyed at me, or mine, I will expose to everyone what you cut off."

Bigfoot crawled away, thankful to Mitsukai for allowing her to live.  Bigfoot thought........................is it possible that i could serve her............................"